Garden

The music of Laura Mvula - Green Garden, is really cool. Because it is different, some will dismiss it as weird but like life, surprises await us in times of change and risk. For me, this makes me want to go outside to the green garden and go wherever life takes me, despite rain, "nobody out there but it's OK now, bathe in the sunlight, don't mind if the rain falls,"

I feel free from the worries and fears that may have trapped me. I thought I needed new circumstances to feel good again. But it's the other way around, the better I feel, the better my circumstances will become.

"And I'll fly on the wings of a butterfly

high as a tree top and down again

putting my bag down, taking my shoes off

walk in the carpet of green velvet

Dance in my garden like we used to..."

Script

Free will is often debated against fate. Its either or. In Christianity, the Calvinist insistence that salvation is predestined is often debated as free will versus a predetermined outcome.

What if the predestination was only a script or a software program that defines our inclinations, natural preferences and fears. And like any movie script or software code, can be rebooted upgraded and interact?

The key to change is information and understanding which form our habits. A good example is the News. It really did not exist until broadcast systems like radio, TV and periodicals were invented. Its easy to be lazy and believe everything you read hear and see. The message is embedded in information and our understanding is our accepting new input to our personal script/software.

Free will is our personal influence on the script/software. Not the outcome.

Propaganda is a skillfully crafted message that caters to a social status quo. It can be designed or just happen out of habit. In Hong Kong the news is often reported by saying the same thing in an headline, repeated several times until the audience believes the message as the standard. Whether by design or habit propaganda is broadcast.

This kind of message for the masses is used in sermons, the classroom, meetings...  If unchecked can change group behavior. Many still want to do this in education. The ruling classes in Hong Kong believe you can re-educate the youth to avoid future protests.

It is no coincidence that academics whose discipline is to question and evaluate common understanding is seen as dangerous by authority. For the re-program the powerful want to control is challenged by reason and logic.

So there are influences to our personal script/program which we can choose to follow or not. Free will.

Comédie

One of the first cultural changes I encountered was the comedic culture in the US and Britain. Hong Kong used to have one too but it became too sensitive because you could no longer laugh at our rich visitors.

A sense of humor is vital to progress and change because it forces us to face our inherent silly prejudices and habits that exist out of stubborness and to safe guard the powerful. One of the first cultures to frame a sense of irony and humor are the Greeks.

Over 2 thousand years ago when China was busy unifying under our first emperor and India was undergoing a religious revolution in Buddhism, the Greeks were writing philosophical and political treatises as well as performing theater.

So advanced were the forms called tragedy and comedy, they still exist today. I believe the cultures that can embrace humor and honest fun is better. For comedy is a light hearted way to see ourselves and change without condemnation.

This is the best way to improve.

Tragédie

Why not just use the English word tragedy since it looks so much like the French one. But the meaning is different. The French use it more like the "Greek tragedy" as a theatrical style rather than the literal judgment of outcomes the word tragedy often conjures.

For me I have grown so much and faced up to so much personal sewage over the past few years, I have come out feeling the comédie of a satirical look at life. Yet something still felt bad. Misfortune came to define my psyche like a Greek tragedy: where the pride of success causes blind mistakes that causes the dominoes to fall destroying the very fruit of success.

In my case, pride was what I gave up. Yet the dread of tragic outcome still casts shadows in the sunlight. I just realised I just needed to change my definition back to comédie where I learn to poke fun at my life again.

There is power in our definitions.

Toxic

Most times I see the good in people. I've learned cultural flexibility to accommodate many types of people. It always pains me to give up on people or leave. Sometimes I feel like I failed.

When I'm asked to leave relationships I found it easy to accept I'm no good when I'm not welcome. Of course it does hurt. But when I'm welcome by others who are different and new, it's like a blue sky cleared of clouds.

A counselor told me there are toxic relationships. I tend to shy from such harsh words because it feels like I'm condemning someone. But it's about the relationship that needs to end.

I'm learning the truth of this everyday. Some of the best most well meaning people can affect me badly because they don't see how it affects me. And the reason may not be selfishness or anything mean. But it often is about blindness, stubbornness and some obsession other than relationships. It often is placing money above all else.

When any obsession overshadows personal growth and enjoying life with loved ones... It is death in the making. Therefore toxic.

Sometimes miracles happen and people find growing, support through thick and thin. Love. Which is anything but toxic.

Time

It is only in recent history that we are so obsessed with measuring time. We even talk about it as if it existed. Does a millimeter exist? They are all just abstract measurement of something. But unlike the physical measurements, time is about change. If things never change, then time is almost useless.

So isn't it funny that many who are most impatient often do not want change. The calendar, the schedule, the countdown are useful if we were at the Olympics of Life where doing something faster, or arriving on time can mean a gold medal.

Time is also called money. Both are useful but if they define our lives, we are in trouble. It is no wonder that money can be seen as evil if they reduce our humanity. If time is money, our schedules can also be evil if we let them take over.

The difference between a slave and a free person is choice. An addict is just a slave who forgot about freedom.

In my hard journey of late, both money and time became the biggest oppressor. Hurry up and earn your keep. Why is the project taking so long? Many for practical or other reasons have ignored my plight.

Despite the seemingly desperate situation because it seemed to take too much time to make money, I only just began to see focusing on these measurements don't help me to make money fast. Thus the more I say hurry up and get income, the desire itself oppresses.

The main problem is having money and a schedule don't really give us what they promise. Security and life aren't really about lots of resource and activity.

In the years of yearning for a schedule of dependable income, I came to see that it is always about how we treat people. People are our bosses, our clients, our colleagues. Measuring our relationships based on time and money is death.

God did not create time or money. We did. Useful though they are in science and finance, we have let them enslave us so we forgot how to nurture relationships and enjoy deeper engagement with loved ones. Always running away to make money. And abiding by schedule that guarantee things don't change.

If change is so important to keep us entertained, keep life fresh and improve our world, we need to see time and money for what they are. Opportunities. Let's focus on a cry for help, eagerness to learn, yearning for change... for they are the honest opportunities that will make life better for all involved.

Then both time and money begin to flow and we are no longer so bored as to check the clock or the balance sheet, instead of seeing the human gems that are waiting for us to harvest.

Hallucinations

I started blogging because I felt beaten and uncertain. Everything seemed hard and scary as every piece of bad news stuck panic in my core. Although I remained cheerful, damage to my confidence was deep enough to cause depression. It was subtle but relentless.

The picture shows just part of the height I climb everyday just to go out and come home. It used to instill pain every time I go up and down. For so many reasons I often felt too burdened to enjoy rest or even a vacation.

In the last few weeks, I no longer feel so bad. Even though feelings rarely stopped me from much, it was more I had gotten used to panic and to crawling my way out.

While so many of my fears have become milestones of the past, memories can linger and become like hallucinations. Like a mirage, I just have to learn to ignore them and embrace a new freedom.

So now I look up or down the long stairways of the hillside, it's just a way of life. Sometimes tiring, sweaty, but uplifting because my home is on the way. To be enjoyed.

Mirage

A mirage is when the ground becomes so hot, light passing through the less dense rising air effectively curves from the sky reaching our vision. The wavy image of the blue sky and the trees on the hot flat bed, looks a lot like water. If you are thirsty, you'll waste your energy trying to reach non-existent water.

The world is thirsty for the real substance of life. Water is the key element because it is really made up of air (Hydrogen and Oxygen atoms). In Cantonese, a slang for money is water. It acts like water because it must keep flowing to be really useful. Stagnant funds lose value over time like still water that "rots".

In my last post, I said "money is a mirage of success". We need it to live with others, and many measure value purely based on money. This is correct if consumption and real estate actually give us life or true quality in life.

We all know how a home, restaurant, car etc. may look does not guarantee a good time, yet we choose to measure success with accumulation and status. Instead all our most precious memories are made by good relationships enjoying time together.

Love is free. Money and what it can buy is only a mirage of what we really want. Careful what you chase.

Vertigo

The title is wrong because I really meant acrophobia (the fear of heights) which is often misnamed vertigo because of Hitchcock's movie. I believe everyone is afraid of heights but some overcome it.

As with all fears the only way to know you've conquered it is to go through it. But because we are afraid, climbing will be the farthest thing we want to do. So we prefer to stay where we are on the level.

Money is the greatest obstacle to overcoming this fear.  Of course I'm not talking about climbing Everest. The height which scares is to face our potential and passion. Like actually climbing a mountain, people will pour cold water at the mere intention let alone preparing for the journey. The paradox is that although many things require funds, those with a lot of money have more incentive to stay where they are and not climb that personal mountain. 

What if I get there and don't like it. How will I look if I failed? Money is a mirage of success.

The person who'll face personal acrophobia can't ever lose because not climbing towards our passion is where we were all along. Most don't climb so they'll never be afraid.

I guess the easiest sign we are on the way to a higher place in life is fear. Our natural  acrophobia, fear of high places.

Stranger

It's kind of strange that the quote most on my mind lately is "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." For me, this is about not feeling at home when even animals have shelter. It sounds precarious and sad but I'm not.

It all hangs on what is home? Our basic instinct is to be safe. But even my first memories were about restlessness. School, schedules, expectations, responsibility all seemed to conspire to beat all spontaneity out of me, telling me to be safe, to build a hut, then a cottage, then an apartment, then a house, mansion and finally a fortress so I can retire.

What if we don't belong in a fortress or a house. I'm not saying I prefer to live in the street either but I've learned that at least for me, restlessness is my home. And allowing the yearning to seek out answers, companionship, love, truth in an often chaotic cruel world, is where we belong. Shutting it out cannot make us "safe" but we'll never find the answers our soul seems to be born to discover.

The title is in deference to L’étranger by Albert Camus which begins "Aujourd'hui, maman est morte. Ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas." Today mama died, or maybe yesterday. I don't know...

Depressing but also true because whether we hold on to mama, miss her or don't care, nothing changes the death. So many try to shake off or escape the sadness that awaits all of us when someone close goes forever. We can have faith we'll see them again but it does not change the departure or how it affects how we feel. 

Feeling like a foreigner and awareness of an impending end of life, is our human condition. It was designed to push us forward, not cause is to retreat of hide. Even if we numb ourselves, the pain of loss always catches up later as the stranger of Albert Camus later shoots a man.

Like the life which we did not have until we were born, this yearning to belong, to share ourselves, to see, to embrace, to learn, to cry out is to overcome our inborn emptiness. We often feel alone. Out of place. Like a stranger.

Finally, I see why this is a good thing to feel out of place. It'll come in very useful for this age of light-speed change to find answers with those who care.

Miracles

So many people think the miracle are the "acts of God", supernatural displays, the Hollywood ending... Even this old cartoon song is correct that any breakthrough is about belief and faith.

In the Israelite Exodus, the people probably did not just get up and leave like the cartoon at the drop of a hat. They were slaves. And it took faith to pack, convince everyone to go and not care about the impending military threat. Moses was a prince but he believed enough to negotiate with Pharaoh, convince his people and prepare for a journey that could have been quite short.

Too much focus is on the esoteric things that are supposed to happen to convince us of change. Miracles for atheists and religious alike is about seeing something most people cannot see and living like the solution has already happened. This is actually called change.

Sugar

Taking a break from swimming got me experimenting my lowest carb limit. It turns out I need some first thing in the morning or else it affects my mood a whole lot.

Like the Mary Poppins song "a spoonful of sugar", I just need a large spoon of oatmeal and I felt so much better. And it's just a daytime thing. A little in the morning and afternoon is all it takes.

I'm almost 52 and still discovering secrets about my body and mood. Discovery is the sugar of life.

Plateau

In the world of IT there's a thing called Moore's law which predicted doubling in speed every 18 months. I'm sure there is much room for progress as new materials and transmission methods will bring back Moore's law. But for now in the consumer space there is enough speed to play, chat, socialize and share with much unused capacity.

Plateaus are good for change because it gives a chance for repose before another round of  metamorphosis.

This is what I feel for myself, the use of technology and even society. Unlike many who keep predicting catastrophe to discourage change, I embrace the upheaval dreams can induce.

Sorry if you want a plateau to be the destination. For even in nature, there are plenty of plains, mountains, valleys... But very few plateaus. It's still nice to take a breath before climbing.

Basic

Gandhi is talking about the basic struggle in any society. What is law? What is justice? What are one's basic rights? 

For many this kind of debate and opposing opinion is confusing and frustrating. It is like a child who has been used to simple black and white answers to life but wakes up to find grey complexities and nuances for them to work alone.

Through many wars and mistakes the world has gone through much. I hope we will never forget hard fought lessons in too much compromise in basic human dignity and too little when it benefits the long term.

Personally I find the learning process beautiful no matter how hard and dissonant like the Third movement of Stravinsky's Symphony in 3 Movements. It was written during world war 2. But I think it applies in our technology infected world.

Yes although I am a geek (one who is technically inclined), I think we are being led by "progress" in technology without enough heed to other sciences. Even music is full of algorithmic research perhaps ignoring social aspects. Statistics have become a tool to guide thesis instead of hypothesis led data gathering using experimentation including statistics. It has become a struggle for human dignity again as money (which is really a mathematical tool to manipulate value in society) is now being managed by machines. I am sure this run away technological focus has rocked the ethical and motivational balance towards irresponsible growth. Greed seems to justify inequality.

Yet, I believe in the instinct to survive, to learn and to thrive in humans. For life on this little blue planet is already an improbability in our hostile empty Universe. And if life found a way for us to be born, I know there is a way to continue. For even the tragedy on the scale of WWI and II, caused our current world order has find some peaceful equilibrium.

But as information and knowledge is so instantly available to anyone with a screen and an Internet line, the equilibrium has been shaken again. Mismanagement, miscalculations, hidden agenda, dishonest views of history and society... all make change so much more painful

It would be beautiful if we saw each other as equal neighbors instead of making power that which values us. I hope the world will continue to learn this lesson. Because not facing our past mistakes, not admitting error and not reducing the risk of repeating bad policy, but just carrying on what has been done for tradition (?), is the greatest obstacle for competitiveness in our youth.

This struggle is evident in Hong Kong. This symphony is relevant to the feelings of tension and beauty of the human spirit. Learning to talk honestly and with dignity is better than propaganda and inciting violence. Yet you can find beauty in what seems to be discord on the surface, both in this symphony and during social discord.

Hunger

I've been a hungry person since infancy as my parents used to tell people my first spoken word was 再 (more in Chinese) after feeding. Now I am eating low carb I am constantly hungry but I've been conditioned to eat at "meal times". So it's easy to ignore the feeling of hunger purely out of habit. It feels like the "right thing" to do. Only now it literally gets me down emotionally. A bite livens up my spirits every few hours.

This echoes the title of this blog where small birds continuously feed more often than huge beasts. Besides the mundane hunger for food, I thought I should stop yearning for knowledge and new vantage points just because I was no longer young. It seemed that like "meal times", learning time is commonly consigned to the young. Many of my peers say they can't learn anything new as they were getting dumber.

Yet these same self-degrading adults may be the first to tell young people they don't know any better, despite implying only the young can learn. Many are telling Hong Kong protesters exactly this.

I don't know the outcome of the protests as I do not know about my own life. But one thing my sickness, depression and subsequent improvement has convinced me is that I am put here to learn about life. 

I hunger for deeper relationship. Not just friendliness though it is better than rudeness. But some rudeness is just honesty among friends who accept each other although it is not a good way to start a friendship. There are so many ways to deal with friendship. It ranges from unchanging friendliness, to overt frankness, to hiding true feelings, to rejecting all deeper relationships... and so many mixtures of them all.

I hunger to embrace cultures, soulful engagement, laughing about life, crying together, finding ways out of self imposed limits... to find freedom from the regret that litters our messy lives.

This hunger is what keeps me going and I am eager to learn what the next moment will reveal.

Weather

I have been under the weather for the last 8 years. For the first time in my relatively smooth life, I felt I could no nothing to fight my circumstances. Even running away would have been useless because the oppression I felt would just go with me. It's been like a drought in my heart despite being all wet.

The weather finally change today in Hong Kong which has been living in higher tension for over 5 weeks of sit-in protests that has divided the city. I have been at the edge of my seat watching moves from protesters, China and Hong Kong's government. What I feared was explosive violence and despair. It has depressed, separated and highlighted our preferences in facing authority, oppression and livelihood. It's been about generation, learning and myopia.

I should be depressed along with much of the city that wishes the tension would just go away. But covering up the differences by ignoring it, suppressing it or forcing it would be an outright betrayal of the future. There is still a danger of further deterioration in this protest.

For some reason, the cloudy cool day did not worsen my worry. I saw beyond the clouds, the tension and my personal drought. For even dark clouds can be welcome when the land is parched and thirsty.

I think for me, the resolution of drought is a welling up of water, life and relief from within. I'm no longer under the weather.

Pity

Compassion is often confused with pity. To over simplify, you pity someone who is beneath you. I try hard to avoid this and definitely don't want to be pitied.

During my personal drought, I wanted compassion from my friends. If they would just ask me how things were going with some sensitivity, I am comforted and feel support. Few did and I'm happy to receive their compassion.

There are times, when I just feel unable to get out a personal funk and call out to people. Yesterday it seemed no one had time to listen even though I asked.

For me, I wanted a pity party for myself because I did not want pity. What kind of psychosis is that? I just wanted someone to share even this pitiful contradiction in myself. It left me lonely and helpless.

Yet, some people remain my friends and when we have time to meet later, that would be compassion enough.

Tribute

Some want to be remembered "forever". My rich grandfather donated money to a school so it carried his name. I remember seeing the model of it when I was little but never felt proud or other strong feeling about it. 20 years after his death, the school is gone along with his name.

Then there are those who want applause, crowd recognition, a prize. I remember a sermon about the reward that awaits in heaven. For some reason, the prospect of this kind of recognition failed to motivate me.

I just wanted to be in the company of someone who accepted me as me no matter how old, ugly, invalid, angry I got. Then all accomplishment is just icing or the cherry on the cake. True substance and fulfillment is simple but costly. For in order for that acceptance to occur, I have to face myself and deal with all the potential for failure. It is painful but worth it.

So I don't need tribute that is designed for public consumption. It's encouraging to get applause, a prize, your name on a sign, it doesn't really matter. But all I really need is to be in the arms of someone who loves the child inside.

Even Michael Bolton manages to scream out this truth in this cartoon song.

Meek

I was taught to be meek. A word hardly used in the overblown world of self promotion, shameless pursuit of wealth and power. Yet "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth." I don't think that many preachers believe this, because meekness is humble, submissive, noncompetitive, a push over... How can such a week person inherit the earth?

Power in this world is about force. It is something I resist. For those I love, I only want them to do something because they see me in all my weakness and still want to be there. Otherwise, how different are they from any stranger? For me this link between 2 people is real power. If it is just for money... well it's OK for work but not love.

Meek does not mean week. I'm learning how to remain true to my choice not to impose my will but persuade by example, by walking with people and by holding on to the real power in real relationships. I seek out other meek men and women. Those who think they wield power by competition, wealth, control... well they will appear mighty but are empty unless they are meek with those they love.

Another way to state the counter intuitive beatitude would be "Meekness is power and life."

Haunted

No horror or ghostly tales here. I'm talking about a holistic programming based on love or lack of love. By love I just mean acceptance without question or limits. Sound too good to be true? If so, you are probably holding on to the conditions under which love was allotted to you once upon a time, and it has become normal. We all live conditionally.

Any pain associated with the conditions become buried so deep that it haunts and weighs on everything we see, feel, think and decide. It is a sort of human program we get from Nature, society and our own input. Fear is the basis of any haunting be it supernatural or natural. Whatever we believe, the fear is the same. But anything supernatural is completely subjective so can be super encouraging or super derogatory. 

No wonder Halloween and other tales of the unseen are so intriguing. Some say religion is just another tale. The conditions for acceptance in any religion is just formalized for the view of the unseen spiritual world we prefer. Of course for any group of strong convictions, my last sentence is close to heresy. 

I just want to underline the difference between faith and religion. Faith is personal for no one knows our heart but ourselves and God (defined as the source of Life and the Universe). But religion is a set of beliefs to define God and his relationship with us. We need to formalize Him so we can talk about him and interact with him as a group.

A haunting is about something undesirable and unwanted. If we see God as just as arbitrarily conditional as any random person, no wonder we fear the unknown. But if God who is the source of all of Life, the acceptance was guaranteed when were born, the moment personal life began, there is no haunting; just life.

Somehow, we learn about acceptance dependent on conditions (no matter how liberal or conservative) so early in life that it convinces us our living value is limited. It's about comparing, earning, self assessing...: just a whole lot of work. 

Working hard at something can be liberating or enslaving depending on whether we are haunted by conditional deficiency. If only I were better. If only he/she would accept me. I cannot live without him/her. I'd die to be poor. I'm nothing if it weren't for money. I live for my family. They are OK if they are just goal posts. You can strive for whatever you like in life.

But if they become life itself, that's where the haunting begins. No wonder "perfect love casts out fear".

Exodus

Exodus is a mass departure of people the most widely known of which is the Book in the Bible. It is also a great social change with or without moving away.

In Hong Kong, there is an exodus of protest into the street, designed to annoy and highlight deeper issues. Many prefer to kill the whole thing. Like facing your child who has come into adulthood without your consent, it is easy to condescend, criticize and just write them off because you'd rather be their authority figure forever.

Like a child growing up, an exodus from an outdated system is happening. The implications seem frightening because the protests are like a mirror to the world around them. Hong Kong society  was always a shelter for the historic exodus of China for the last 100 years. It still does but some want to stop it.

Even before the fall of the Qing dynasty, Hong Kong was a center of commerce, an experiment of East and Western culture and a society with its distinct entrepreneurial free markets. It absorbed traditional Chinese families, religions from outside of which the many shades of Christianity dominate, developed it's own kind of "Chinglish" etc. It has its charms, its weaknesses and direction like all cultures. The greatest distinction compared to inward looking China over the years is it's international nature. Even the British empire encouraged this by its trade focus. One of the greatest exports of Hong Kong has always been people through emigration.

Hong Kong has always been at least a stop over for exodus. Exit from imperial China, China in turmoil, China at war, communism, poverty, revolution. It embraced freedom to learn, earn and move. Many admirable aspects of Chinese culture were upheld, like the language, family focus, respect and care for the elderly, social harmony...all the while forgoing outdated rituals towards social equality, rule of law and clean government. Exodus of mind, culture and ambition.

The youth in 2014 merely continued this social progress started 100 years ago. They were educated to reason, discuss, be creative and think in an environment of diversity in thought, culture and aspirations. As the exodus from the past continued, some people for the love of money, self-protection and power, are asking the youth to "stop".

Imagine what would have happened to Israel during their exodus from slavery, if Moses decided to stop and never reach the promise land.

Exodus cannot be interrupted especially when it is an escape from an industrial mindset, from self indulgent leadership to join an open creative economy that is making billions and promises to be the future engine of growth. China is itself committed to this.

Short term dangers and criticism aside, the exodus is continuing among the students and those who understand the currents of thought and passion that underlie the seeming immature, stubborn and inconvenient sit-in protests. Their group leadership, much of the discussion, most of the art and all of the passion is exactly what is needed in the post industrial world.

I hope the elite in Hong Kong will wake up and see that by stopping this exodus, they are short changing their own privileged children to an outdated way to increase their own wealth. Worse still they are dragging the intelligent middle class with them into a purgatory of outdated industrial models.

Since 2008, a PwC survey has revealed that small to medium family businesses in Asia (mostly based on traditional industrial models), have under performed the developed West by 50% in revenue growth. It implies falling productivity and wealth growth.

For me, this exodus from industrial hierarchical models to more flexible diversity is enlightened and unstoppable. If not the protest, I think 80% of youth under 30 want this change. Forward momentum is a natural part of Hong Kong's character. The world economy needs precisely this kind of exodus, including China.

Blame

I try to be responsible so I am surprised at how so many blame others for problems of one's own making. The more power one has the more responsibility is required. Remember the line from Spider man?

But it often is not so. The biggest example was my few months in Berlin during the 80's where a wall and East Germany surrounded the city. Huge space ship like radars pointed towards the enemy. East Germans have been shot trying to enter the West. Subways that run under the East are inspected for stowaways constantly. Border guards in watch towers were all over the wall. Land mines aplenty created a dry moat in no-man's land. Each day I would climb towers next to the wall that mirrored Eastern ones manned by soldiers. As I peered into my telephoto lens, the soldier would peer back by binoculars each and every time.

So much wasted resources to safe guard power of a few at the expense of real lives. People became pawns as they escape to freedom but labeled as traitors, observed like lab rats, oppressed into submission.

The powerful try to escape responsibility by vilifying dissent. There is always a good excuse. Order, Dignity, Wealth, Power seem to justify blaming the weak masses.

What puzzles me is how people refuse to see that the only competition in the world is of our own making. To "win" we can either destroy the enemy or actually find compromise. Both require a lot of pain and complexity. But compromise is the more responsible way. Something that is rare in history.

For all it's slow, painful, imperfect weakness, democracy which was first systematized by the Greeks 2 and a half Centuries ago, around the time China went through splits and unification under an emperor, the opposite of a democratic system that seeks compromise between opposing powers and opinions. One major difference besides the different ways of dealing with dissent, is literacy. China was mainly illiterate ruled by language experts while the Greeks had a more proportionate literate elite trained to reason, argue and meet.

This divergence in how power is used underlies Hong Kong's protests of 2014. Only the information, knowledge and rhetoric no longer require a court, a formal meeting or centralized plan. Discussion, sharing or ideas, arguments, compromise happens online where it is mostly visible.

The powerful still depend on the formal institutions to prop them up and their power is secure for now. However like the knowledge and communication that has always fueled governance and progress is now available to the masses. For the first time, the masses seem to have the upper hand in the generation of common goals, cooperation and direction that the elite cannot control.

So the powerful resort to blaming the undercurrent (though perfectly visible on the Internet) as conspiracy and an enemy. All the while the overt planning and oppression that make up conspiring enemies reside with the powerful themselves. They evade responsibility that is desirable with great power, and choose to blame the weak, attack them, vilify them and attempt to starve them to submission.

I submit that the powerful have only themselves to blame for not being able to use the vast resources available to them. By drawing invisible lines in the sand that prevent intelligent people from crossing, and using so much wasted resource is not only irresponsible but a sure way to use up all that fuels their power and control.

In the past, illiterate masses contributed by their labour. Power came from communication, language and planning. These tools are now free of charge, instantaneous and therefore even more powerful than before. The intelligence, resourcefulness, efficiency and will of those who use them cannot be stopped by blaming them for using technology so well.

The old guard of formality, connections and vast wealth will continue to blame the technologically nimble for disruption and dissent, but the truth is that the only responsible option is engagement, thoughtful policies and embracing the knowledge economy they want to invest in.

Clarity

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." This statement cannot be made into some methodology for sight is either there or not. "But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear."

There is a lot of conjecture about what is true. Authority is often confused for it. It begins with children believing parents, guardians, teachers and then grows up to believing our boss, governments, experts, leaders...

Anyone who challenges our accepted authority becomes an enemy of truth or a liar. There is a whole discipline for discovering truth: philosophy. And how many philosophers do you know?

Personal truth though is where seeing and hearing begins. Like the child that hangs on to every word of their guardian but then sees discrepancies in what they are told, self discovery is all part of growing into an adult. I submit to you that the discovery does not end when you turn 18 (or even when your children turn 18).

The hardest person to see is oneself. People tell us what they see. We want to impress some of them to get the responses we want. Society is made of such interactions. "“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. If you try to please someone without regard to what you really want for yourself, life does become as confusing as the convoluted quote.

Confusion is the opposite of clarity. So to see with our eyes and hear with our ears, we must start with oneself.  This involves being alone, some pain, some hurt and a lot of accepting. Unless you go through this, the "glass" we use to view life will be dark, unclear and confusing. It also needs at least one person who accepts you completely. Clarity starts with the person in the mirror.

The quote actually works better as follows: “You can fool some of the people all of the time, you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time” But the most foolish is to deceive oneself.

Happening

This blog is so named to highlight the social, economic and personal change from large hierarchical organisations that are based on products (be they factories, banks, governments, conglomerates) are having to compete with groups of smaller more organic structures more focused on agile services and customized products. It is like the difference between a giant dinosaur and a small flying bird.

In Hong Kong where thousands have been protesting mainly by sit-in's that morphed from Occupy to the Umbrella because the over-reaction of using tear gas, batons and threat of bullets (rubber or otherwise) encouraged even stoic populace to come out. No clear leader exists although the opposing side has labeled the original planners as the evil instigators who deserve to be prosecuted.

It is clear that the government, elite and those with vested interest to uphold a closed political circle, feels threatened by the Umbrella movement. When a beast roars while being bitten by tiny ants, it is because it feels threatened even though it is possible to brush aside the annoying mass by force. Only the use of force encouraged even more annoying bites.

The use of Informatics on the Internet, on screens big and small, to conduct social discussion, open opinions, share needs and news... A consensus that changes and reacts was formed. No clear leader is needed as concepts, ideas, feelings and goals have become the adaptive message that started, fueled and transforms the group. Anyone can join or leave but the strength of combined ambition seems to have sustained a persistent intent to force change.

The birds are scaring the giant because the giant is surprised by their resolute persistence. Change is happening.

Journey

Process, paths, ways, roads, flights, change are all part of a journey. Most just want the destination. But most things in life do not really end. Though we do die as the earth will one day, life in the mean time is a journey. Yet most act and talk as if we have arrived somewhere and are contented to resist change and just hang on to what we've got.

Look at what I've achieved? We are great. We are safe. Let's just enjoy and protect what we have for what if change makes things worse?

I've met some very talented expressive people in my life. But few venture into the dangers and hardship of our personal fears to have something to write about including myself. The most valuable moments in my past have been travels where I met locals, immersed myself in their lives for a time and learned.

But everyone around me told me to settle down. A perfect job, home, church, club, leisure so as to strive to end change, get steady income and live orderly lives. I thought the ideal was for the journey to end and live a life of leisure preferably with as much money as possible.

It was not until I felt completely helpless, lost, useless, homeless, friendless and worthless, that I saw my journey again. No matter you are dirt poor or filthy rich, the personal journey continues whether in the street or in your palace.

I never understood the significance of the phrase, "I'll make straight your paths". That was because my life has pretty much been smooth sailing. I enjoyed all of it until I felt like I came to a dead-end. Kind of like platform 9 and 3/4's in Harry Potter, there is a choice of finding something that will make do or face the wall. Even if you can't run into it like the story, maybe break it down, dig a tunnel...

I tried all the ways I knew to find a way forward. People, recruiters, web posting, knocking on doors, searching around the world, more connections, universities, companies, experts, mentors, everything I knew. But all doors were closed after interviews, potential leads, conversations with CEOs and powerful people...

In the end, the wall turned into a door. The path was made straight. Some will say the journey is starting again. But it never stopped even when I thought I was stagnating, even when the doors are locked. And I am a changed man. Saved.

Opaque

Cultures are the gems of humanity. It's a pity most dare not venture outside the one into which they were born. There are infinite shades of creativity, resourcefulness and expressiveness.

For each of these wonderful traits that are essential for success in this technological age, require transparency, honesty and an even playing field. At least the always connected media makes hiding secrets difficult. A leak becomes a flood in an instant.

The past is the greatest burden for anyone to move forward. It was always true personally. In less open times, authority could survive by planning in secret and then present an orchestrated facade. The uneducated or illiterate and those who lack curiosity, could easily be controlled. What is broadcast or printed most be real right?

The millennial generation is not like that. To use smart devices, the most skillful are curious and literate. This is carrying over to how they perceive reality. The older generation who don't use the devices in the same way will have a hard time relating to the world view that has never existed in such common and continuous form.

Even those who have been using computers since they were created were used to turning them of. They saw them as technology and tools which have become essential enablers of quality living.

Millennials take openess for granted. They will demand transparency.
The opacity of governments which were used to controlling the media is facing a tide of demand for people to face history and the future.

A few places are still highly controlled. Maybe new technology will surface that will allow some to centralize media control again. For time being the tide has turned to a mass expectation for open, transparent and honest society. Even opacity is not clear enough.

Master

"The Help" is a bitter sweet movie. Great acting, well written, beautiful production but so many heart wrenching scenes where the words "master" might as well have been used. But it was not publicly said even in the 1960's. Yet in 2014, I read an editorial that called the protests in Hong Kong angering their "masters".

I wonder how many people believe a government is their people's master. Today I saw a discussion about North Korea, a more oppressive regime than just about anywhere. It was mentioned that even being oppressed can feel normal.

In "Shawshank Redemption" Morgan Freeman's character almost killed himself because incarceration seemed more normal to him than not knowing what to do each day.

I hope the older generation in power who has the option to master us, will learn to love our youth by setting them free. This way they will take up their own future, with honesty, faith and confidence finding real social peace and stability that is built from within our lives, and not imposed from without.

Even though Sting sang about love between 2 people this verse in "If you love somebody, set them free" seems to talk about the current Chinese obsession with money over freedom.

"You can't control an independent heart
Can't tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can't live
We can't live here and be happy with less
So many riches
So many souls
With everything we see that we want to possess"

Currents

If you're a big dinosaur, the flow of wind and water is not so important because your size demands a lot of effort to propel you. Birds survive by how the wind blows because they are small enough to be carried far and wide by it.

Life is often a choice between size and mobility. Big establishments and those whose position rests on them like to protect their status. In society and nature, currents are the instruments of change that even the most solid structure yield to over time. The grand canyon was carved out by the flow of water. Social change comes by currents in thought and behavior.

Watching what is happening in Hong Kong's protests is a lesson in the contrasts of the establishment and currents, as the big strong institutions that exist are challenged by new currents. Those who live on the stability of the size and tradition feel threatened by the opinion and action that is flowing. It is easy for might to trump thought.

Before the internet and devices, movements centered on obvious display of showmanship and broadcast media. They still help, but the current itself that is flowing underneath the actions are also more visible now on social media.

Conviction and organisation shared online has reduced the need for expensive shows and elaborate productions. Spontaneity and resourcefulness using connection tools is proving elusive for the authorities and those who hide behind them.

I think the display of strength, shouting, attacks and divisions are all distractions. Analysts and opinions often focus just on such noise thinking they are reflect what is going on in hearts and minds.

Since the world is shaped by currents, I prefer to fly with them rather than rest on the structures they make. This connected world makes the currents much more transparent. There is little excuse to ignore them even if you don't agree. The wise will make use of obvious flow of thought and feelings that is right there on our screens.

Ridiculum

Although the stakes and emotion are high, the many events that led to the current occupy movement in Hong Kong are best described as ridiculum. Even the state of blocked roads, exaggerated responses, lack of dialog, no overt support for the leader who is effectively locked up in his government mansion, the divide between those who think any protest is chaos and the view that it's a method of change, using triads, misuse of data, avoiding the issues, blaming the US, blaming China....

It's a series of ridiculous events that blew up due to the often mistaken strategy of using force to tame the heart. Many forget that institution is never sacred. The human spirit and our aspirations made them.

It is ridiculous that manmade systems such as countries, schools, religious institutions, companies are effectively revered and even worshiped by using them as immovable center of our lives. We depend on  establishment to give us order and security, forgetting they are compromised in that just as they shield us, they also limit us.

That is why there is usually a generational divide. Older people are comfortable with establishment while youth want to remove some limits. It all comes down to who holds the power.

The more centralized and closed the power, the temptation is to avoid divulging it. Because there is no incentive to share power, control is more convenient than dialogue.

Democracy is now a misused word. It has come to mean too many different forms of establishment. So I'll avoid using it.

A competitive, vibrant group of educated connected people are common now. They can choose how to enjoy, learn, earn in ways never before possible. All this points to a need for decentralized power, better communication, faster responses.

Call it what you want. The silliest news is that a dialogue with the students was offered and took a week to set up.

What's so hard about having a chat?

Refresh

The weather report usually calls rain bad weather. In French "beau" (beautiful) is the word for sunny skies. But rain feel's beautiful this lunch time.

Drought makes it so. No Hong Kong has had enough rainfall but not enough honesty and thirst for truth. For near-term gains and consolation, many chose to forget that truth is life.

Slaves may have enough to eat but only so they can work. Freedom is meaningful only if we find who we are and express ourselves fully with those we love. That is the truth we all seek.

Our governments are compromised by an imperfect system run like an outdated industrial factory. Change was hard for fabrication plants because capital equipment is expensive and hard to replace. So we were and still are trained to optimize our lives for fixed schedules, production lines, becoming cog-like because decisions are assumed to be  centralize for the good of the mechanistic organisation.

To fit the mold many feel the need to forgo "unrealistic" dreams. Even if this is true in many places still, it is more because the powerful are also used to running life and work and society like industrial factories. Even in the digital age of Informatics (or IT), even the technology companies that are running things are still stuck in organisations that only know how to become big and mechanical (rather than deepen collaborative quality and grow more like organisms in Nature).

Informatics (which is a better word than Information Technology or IT because the focus is no longer the technology but what and how expression is realized) should be used to reorganize, revalue and re-prioritize our lives. Organisations that don't actually make physical products should no longer be run like they are manufacturers.

For people are not machines. What is needed is a Refresh. Reboot. Reprogram.

Any change is hard because the outcome is unpredictable and habits often become tradition which in turn become standards or even law. It is also much easier to think, "everyone is entitled to their own opinion as long as it agrees with mine."

To think this way and refuse to hear the opinion of others is precisely the habit of the mechanistic organisation.

In Hong Kong, I don't think much will change today due to the week long civil movement for demographic reform. Tomorrow I don't know.

Besides the clash of the state vs the individual, the change towards democratic discussion has begun. The civil organisation, political intelligence, communication en mass, are all skills displayed by the protesters.

Incidentally these are all skills needed in developing a more organic, Informatics based organisation and growth. The refresh, reboot and reprogram have already begun.

The rain and wind that inspired this post has passed. The Sun is out.

Compromise

It's something that is hard to do unless there is trust. The unrest in Hong Kong needs that badly. But one thing the mobile interconnected world can't increase is trust. Information, games, ads, media; yes. But faith in each other; no.

The one person (ironically) I've compromised the most though is myself. But unlike the connection with others, I gave way personally because I didn't trust myself.

I seemed to have faith in others more than I did in me. So much that I forgot what it feels like to be face to face with what I eagerly sought. That has changed and I'm excited.

Hypocritical

The common Chinese word for this is "spear vs shield" (矛盾) from a story about a salesman who sold an impenetrable shield as well as an all piercing spear. Another is 虛偽 (Xu Wei). In common use they actually mean contradiction and pretension, which lack the emphasis of a state of being (rather than an occurrence) in the word hypocritical.

Could it be that my own culture makes it a habit to gloss over hypocrisy (and discrimination which are related in my mind) and excuses both if you're powerful and rich enough? Both hypocrisy and discrimination have to do with lack of honesty with one's own self.

Human nature tends to avoid confrontation with fear and past mistakes. Admission of either is often mistaken to be a sign of weakness. But in reality it takes courage and great inner strength to face what I'm scared of and admit a wrong.  Unless you're a dictator.

Limited

I was in a prison/jail for 18 long/short days in China about 8 years ago. It marked a period of profound growth in my middle age life. Much like Europe after the middle ages, I came back to the renaissance that I always wanted.

Most prefer to live in stability. Which often means a routine that is dependable and predictable. Surprises means shock and should be avoided.

The most stable place is prison. The physical confinement is the only difference between the limited life of stability and the incarcerated inmate. Most just focus on the horror of a physical prison and dare not ask me about it. But could it be our self imposed limits are just as bad as incarceration?

After the ordeal I just wanted stability to live out the rest of my life so the horror of prison would disappear never to return. It kind of involved success, companionship, money, fulfillment, excitement... And I thought it was some destination or dramatic movie ending.

Instead I found stability in a journey, surety that failure will not destroy me, excitement in searching and finding, working out hard moments, even bad feelings that threaten to imprison me are there to make me better. It seems the limits we thought would protect also confines.

It takes experience and skill to navigate the truth behind the games we play to protect us. To live in a game that never changes as we grow makes protection into a prison. It took 18 days of peering out a tiny peep window of the steel prison door to show me that physical release was not the destination.

Another way to look at it is what a lot of money means. Money can be opportunity and a burden. It all depends if we are looking for guaranteed profit (which does not exist if there is change in the world), or freedom to venture out into rich lives nested among the imprisoned souls all around us. I seek out unlimited people yearning for renaissance.

It's all about a journey beyond just livelihood.

Fear

You can sing "I'm not afraid of the darkness. Whom shall I fear if God be for me?" a million times and not be convinced. For it is "perfect love" that "casts out fear. If I don't feel loved, there is always dread and fear that a mistake will put me outside of a love circle.

In the last few days, this fear is disappearing from my inner most psyche. Things that would have made me panic, suddenly seem mundane and "I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore."

For I see that even my loneliness is shared. My fear of harming others and the fear of being rejected is a feeling shared in the empty space of the Universe which miraculously (or utmost improbably) created life which is mine at least for a time.

Working out this mystery along with my friends will inspire me until my last day.

Bold

The word bold conjures images of strength, muscle, wealth and privilege. In reality, those who have much can be the most timid because they have much to lose.

Boldness is more about taking risks. Walking new roads prone to failure and disappointment.

"Work hard. Take Chances. Be very bold." This is a line from a movie set in World War 2 then the 2 main characters said good bye. Incidentally, they are both women. And to think of it, it's hard to imagine 2 men saying this to one another as they say goodbye.

In our mostly patriarchal world, timid men call women the "weaker sex" and paint a devilish picture of strong ladies. Yet the outwardly weak tend to be bold in change, in making hard decisions, sticking it out through thick and thin.

I hold onto real boldness in thought, in love, in truth and true beauty. All of these are actually free of charge.

Frozen

The art is beautiful in the Walt Disney hit. Despite the over sung song, there are deeper literary themes in the story.

Elsa's potential is hidden to protect others only to push her away from the people who love her and towards fear and pain. Embracing herself and others released her to freedom and love which actually made life better.

We all have idiosyncrasies that can appear strange. It's tempting to keep everybody "safe" from them so we fit in better. Yet that very thing we seek to hide could be the best in us.

Many cultures do this. It can be as mundane as using the right hand as the standard and forcing kids to change. If that which we hide and seek to change is indeed the potential that pushes us forward and ignites or passion... We become like the frozen world Elsa left behind.

Revealing our true self and living opening boldly embracing the best in ourselves and our loved ones brings summer and growth.

Enjoy

Just like the line dancing ladies enjoying the moment more than what may be problems in life, I'm feeling the relaxed rhythm and bass line in my life likes the music by Ms Jackson. It's been a while.

That's why my blog entries are farther apart. I've been so used to struggling with what I feel. But I now rest in the journey rather than being overcome by the agony of waiting for the destination. (How's that for a convoluted sentence). So this enjoying the ride is pushing me beyond explaining the reality of gliding over conquering, trust over struggle, and love over worry.

Think I'm back to riding on music and lights that reveal the secret to growth. (References to past blogs). I want to take pictures (a dormant passion). Write stories. Sing. Dance. Celebrate. Enjoy.

Trust

This is a priceless commodity; rare and ignored in this money-fame-sex obsessed tide of crowd behavior. Not that any of that is intrinsically bad. But they cloud and fog up our vision.

Rich and poor will not see the heart that waits (including our own) if the focus is on money, sex and power.

For we can only trust the heart. Using the 3 commodities cannot see or change the heart; just manipulate. Buying trust is cheap just like buying sex. Think about it and it will appear repulsive.

But trust based on acceptance and love can use money, sex and power to build life, forgive and multiply.

And it takes a ton of trust to wait for someone.

Wait

It all restarted with the Latin Expectans Expectavi (2nd movement of Stravinsky's Symphony of Psalms) which implies longing, thirst and want so deep you are willing to wait.

It's just we are so used to waiting for things we don't really want. So we buy things we never use and the most extreme is having children we avoid. In between we make do with jobs we hate in the name of providing for our family we may secretly despise.

I know I'm talking about extreme cases. Or am I?  Only our heart knows.

But I learned to wait for the life that was there all along. I looked for help, jobs, money, friends, just an understanding ear to no avail only to find that like a pop song lyric "Sometimes the thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see".

And I learned to wait instead of running around even though I may be busy. For I'm talking about waiting on my heat and soul. Something this World War One poem echos.

Expectans Expectavi
By Charles Hamilton Sorley   

FROM morn to midnight, all day through,
I laugh and play as others do,
I sin and chatter, just the same
As others with a different name.  

And all year long upon the stage,        5
I dance and tumble and do rage
So vehemently, I scarcely see
The inner and eternal me.  

I have a temple I do not
Visit, a heart I have forgot,        10
A self that I have never met,
A secret shrine—and yet, and yet  

This sanctuary of my soul
Unwitting I keep white and whole,
Unlatched and lit, if Thou should’st care        15
To enter or to tarry there.  

With parted lips and outstretched hands
And listening ears Thy servant stands,
Call Thou early, call Thou late,
To Thy great service dedicate. 

May, 1915

Quest

I always loved this geeky word. There was a cartoon I watched when I was 5 called Johnny Quest. Star Trek was about a quest. The Bible talks about seeking God. Everyone is looking for something.

I realise I began my journey when I became a teenager. Becoming an adult is exciting dramatic even traumatic. The biggest mistake is to want the seeking the growing the journey the quest to end on some finish line.

Anyone, any group, any effort to tell people they have arrived, this is the promised land, you've found it, in order to retire... I think it's the beginning of dying. Living is to seek.

I almost gave up because so many voices said I was not good enough. What if the truth is we were always good enough to become ourselves. And this self never stops growing healing and seeking.

Unfortunately many stop looking. After achieving success in money, family, ownership, popularity, beauty, even fitness... If the journey ends so does life.

False starts, missed targets, failed attempts, rejection, pointless oppression... All tried to thwart my quest. I consigned myself to long for stability and a way to live out my days in peace. Because of it or inspite of it, my body and soul rebeled. I got sick and began to heal. It still continues but I thought there would be some great celebration or event that would tell me I've arrived. I waited for a magnificent ending.

Instead I founded my friends, my love, hope, joy, peace and my quest which is life itself.

Pretentious

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" (John Lennon). And one of the worst waste of time is pretending and arranging your life to impress a crowd (even a small crowd like an extended family or your office).

There is nothing wrong with achieving, working, buying, selling, saving, building, procreating, nurturing, educating, learning, investing, hedging, gaming, gambling and any way of living that will definitely be invented. In and out of religion, anything that helps us find God and our true self is great.

Yet, any activity and the result cannot fulfill us. For our fulfillment is either there or not. Most people have this in reverse, thinking that achievement can define us. I have learned that who I am, defines my work, love, life and what I create.

So if all the nice things we buy, the beautiful children we were given, the work we have done and the safety we have built become our only pride of life, the foundation is like sand. For all of this will disappear one day. Who I am is there until I die.

Life happens inside. And what is there expresses the image we show to the world. Ignore the feeling our body, mind and soul tell us each day, we really will miss out on what we actually value most.

I realize what I have written and the thinking behind it will not be popular. The trend is just to take words at their most common and often superficial meaning. To use words to imply, reflect, create new meaning is really not that common. We have no time for anything but instant gratification. A movie line actually pokes fun at this: "instant gratification takes too long".

Yet one of the greatest novelist in French literature (some think of all time) is Marcel Proust in "À la recherche du temps perdu." Inadequately translated as "remembrance of things past" or "in search of lost time". When I read it 30 years ago, I was bored by the train of thought and the lack of intrigue or Hollywood or even Shakespearean plots. Yet the images and thinking continue to reflect truth to this day. But I doubt if many will be able to get through it. He actually questions the reality behind the aristocratic life which we all seem to want. The main character married a woman because of the ambiance created by the elegant music, the decor, and others who surrounded her at their first encounter. 

To over simplify, it is an exploration of pretension at it's most extreme 100 years ago.   

And this is so with pretension which is the fad in Hong Kong (and most of the world). It seems enough to have a job, home, religion, family, a schedule, money so we can be somebody. Like I said, all this is OK. But let them become who we are ignoring the real person inside, more like the child we once were, and it is nothing more than being pretentious. Another movie line "an ounce of pretension is worth an ounce of manure."

Romance

This opera song is overused but Kiri Te does a very sensitive performance. The lyrics are sad:

O Mio Babbino Caro Italian Lyrics	O Mio Babbino Caro English Translation
O mio babbino caro,	Oh my dear father,
mi piace, è bello bello,	I like him, he is very handsome.
vo’andare in Porta Rossa	I want to go to Porta Rossa
a comperar l’anello!	to buy the ring!
Si, si, ci voglio andare!	Yes, yes, I want to go there!
E se l’amassi indarno,	And if my love were in vain,
andrei sul Ponte Vecchio	I would go to Ponte Vecchio
ma per buttarmi in Arno!	and throw myself in the Arno!
Mi struggo e mi tormento,	I am pining and I am tormented,
O Dio! Vorrei morir!	Oh God! I would want to die!
Babbo, pietà, pietà!	Daddy, have mercy, have mercy!
Babbo, pietà, pietà!	Daddy, have mercy, have mercy!

Yet the music is emotional, beautiful and commonly used in romantic scenes. A young girl is begging her father to approve her love for Gianni Schicchi and threatens to throw herself in the river if he doesn't. I hope Gianni is worth all this emotion and commotion. It all depends on how well she understands herself and if Gianni fits her life. Because we are spectacularly individual, the young will need to try (if our guardians will allow it) out different people. 

If the fit is good, there is fulfillment. But lying to ourselves and to each other just to get physical intimacy (which is so common), well we all know it is painful even if you convince yourself there are "no strings attached". Our heart begs to differ.

I think this applies to God too. If we wait and seek out a god of our own design based on fear, doubt and regret, it's OK if God treats us so negatively. Many are pining for torment like this girl asking for permission. 

The key to seeing if Gianni is right for her, that he is "bello" is not as important as her own beauty "bella". If she sees who she is, she'll know who is right for her and if her father is not interested in the true "bella" who is his own daughter... well I don't think God is like that.

The opera is here:

Please

In English, this word is used to mean bring pleasure and to beg. It is ironic that even though I am generally ignorant of what people think about me (and don't really care), I still hung on to a certain image I created of me. I seemed to beg the pleasure of people to accept that nonchalant image. So in the end I do care that people buy the person I aimed to make.

It meant more when I wanted to built a fortress or castle normally called a family, a career, a title, or score achievements. They are all good things. But like power, do not really give me value. Pleasure yes but not value.

Just like power does not come from status or wealth, what we commonly strive for in life (often the name of caring for family, friends, colleagues, comrades etc.) cannot make us see how much we are worth in life. Yet we beg for the acceptance of the many. It is called saving face, guarding our reputation, or being popular. Who are these crowds that we want to define us? They are like shifting sand or flowing water that carves its own course.

So if to be pleased we have to beg the acceptance of fleeting standards, it is a dead end road. Even the most popular are hated by some.

8 years since my 18 days in a prison began a chain of unrelated misfortune and dead ends, it is like the water of life has carved out a new me in my stone cold heart of emptiness. It is as if I've been saved.

This feeling is like flying instead of guarding some stupid random image I accumulated over time. There is freedom, joy, hope, love rather than defensiveness, stress, despair and regret. What could be more uplifting?

Link

This is a processed 360 degree view of the Grand Canyon (I think) on Google. It is similar to my previous post "Silence".

Besides this addition, my last post "Power" also links to a difference between giants like dinosaurs and agile flying birds. Giants are trapped by their size and instinct to conquer to guarding and attack rather than the mobility and opportunistic life of the flying animal.

Just take the landscape in the picture. Who would have the easier time there? A giant or a smaller flying bird? If we live in a land that is thirsting for spirit, for hope and love, we'd better learn from the plentiful thriving flying species rather than an extinct one.

Isn't popular culture, aren't corporations, religions, nations... all trying to become big at the expense of the personal freedom, expression and innovation? How about helping the real innovators who are just simple men and women with imagination and passion.

Power

If God is there, by definition all power comes from this source of life and the Universe. A good friend said he was an atheist and my reply was, "There is no such thing." It was a joke but quite ironic if you think about the definitions of God and an atheist.

Many who believe in God do not believe he is powerful. Perhaps this is why many have decided to give up. Yet if he is there, why act like he isn't. If he is powerful, why do we grab power.

The definition of power is the key. We can draw the line of what that is everyday. But at the moment of our birth and our death, none of that matters. Many will think I'm being pessimistic.

Instead true power exists at those 2 moments and is there throughout our lives. Only we are distracted by many other interesting people and things. So it's easy to imagine we are powerful  by many reasons except the person we are.

Many cast doubt on this intrinsic power because it does seem conceited to think we are powerful in our frail bodies. Even in the animal world, we take a long time to grow even physically to adulthood while most other animals fend for themselves in a few months or years. We make mistakes, run into danger, can't take care of ourselves and seem so weak on the outside.

Real power is in knowing who you really really are in an existential way. This word is rarely used and sounds philosophical but it just means every moment is valuable (to put it simply) because the past and the future do not really exist at any one moment.

Because we think, memories and expectations become more and more important as we grow older. It is logical to let them take over our sense of reality. This produces regrets, hopelessness and depression if we focus on mistakes, bad experiences or tragedy. Some learn to ignore these negative feelings all together and convince themselves that everything bad is the fault of everyone else, so it is easy to become either victims or judges of everyone else.

For those who have the courage to face their own feelings, they will see someone strong behind all the judgement and disappointments. That is why oppressed people in history often come out better and stronger than before. When pressed to the limit, many have created art, made important discoveries and changed history for the better after going through times that may have destroyed some.

Some will say we see God during hard times. This is no comfort unless it has happened to you. It is up to each person to deal with the source of life even if you believe it is just a random assimilation of events. Any real power comes from who we see in ourselves: random or divine or scientific. For we all feel the urge to find meaning on this peaceful blue ball we call Earth in a violent chaotic Universe made up of mostly emptiness we call Space.

This physical reality echos our hearts. We feel powerless because we can't change the past. We don't know what we are doing most of the time and have to avoid the realization that our efforts seem meaningless. We feel alone and find it hard to find someone who loves us. It is easy to feel like we live in the emptiness of space and just look forward to negative things that could destroy us. All this is true.

The search is why we are here so I cannot tell you the simple answer about God and Humans and the mystery of our existence. But real power comes from the comfort of this search. It's about learning, enjoying all moments, not blaming anyone and how we treat those we love.

But there is a clue about meaning: it is about creating something. If nothing else, we can experience the magic in having children (even adopted). Nature gives us this gift even if the rest of our life feels like crap.

Those who are successful in life though often fall into the trap that success, the fruits of hard work, the approval of others... (all great things) give us power. They are to be enjoyed but have no real power despite any popularity and recognition. Some live off the illusion of power and forget to search. In such cases, the very things we helped make have trapped and over powered us.

I guess power is in just about searching for meaning, creating and loving.

Silly

Whether it's foolishness or sensitivity, there are some things so insignificant that still bother me. They are like the splinter in a foot of a giant bear. Like little mistakes, embarrassing moments, pointless encounters...

The thorn would have little effect on a bird which would just get rid of it. But big paws and a huge body actually get in the way of pulling out the silly splinter.

So the bigger we think we are the more troublesome the silly things will appear. Know we are not much different than the child we thought we out grew, maybe we can concentrate on the important things in life.

Silence

It was one of most romantic experiences of my life. And I was alone on a boulder that jutted it over the Grand Canyon. The romance I felt was just silence, stillness and light. It felt like I was floating over the huge hole in the earth that could have swallowed the whole of Hong Kong. The only movement was an eagle gliding across the canyon along with a single white cotton ball of cloud. This silence amazed more than any concert, moving speech or majestic display. I felt the power, the love, the purpose that created everything including me. It was like God speaking and I knew why I existed. The only one who shared that moment was the eagle.

It was no coincidence that my life turned shortly after that. I went places, met people, felt feelings that were like new every day. But I never heard the silence again until the last few years. Hard times are not easy by definition. Yet it was in feeling utter desperation that the silence pushes me upwards. I heard with my soul the word, the voice, the will, the love, the purpose, the truth, that gave me life.

The difference is the chatter, the distractions, the doubt and cynicism that seeks to cover the silence with lies. It's like gravity that pulls the eagle to earth despite the wind that carries it.

A new friend reminded me of feeling holiness in the midst of despair. He is not religious at all. Yet his words reminded me of the many seemingly silent majesty that surrounds us and causes me to celebrate whether quietly or loudly. It all depends. But it all begins with a tear that brings joy.

I see God in this holy silence.

Wait

Most people hate to wait. Long distance flying is one of the most dreaded examples. Of course it has to do with cramped space as well but having nothing is do while we wait for arrival is not pleasant. Yet waiting may be the key to success and happiness.

It does go against the common belief that you've got to get what you want and not wait for someone to give it to you. But opportunity is often not something you can induce and manufacture by throwing resource at it like darts to a target. Even big hunters need to wait for prey to be near and birds wait in flight for the right moment to descend on an opportunity.

Waiting is actually about patience rather than forcing your will on the outcome. It is not about inactivity or laziness. That's why many religions talk about the importance of waiting. Many do not believe anyone will show up like the play "Waiting for Godot".

The song says to wait on the Lord. The truth of it depends on who you see is this person? If he is just a pleasant grandpa without much say, some ogre waiting to punish us or other inaccurate image, the waiting is in vain.

I found that it was in the silence of my despair, seeing no exit and feeling like there was no one to hear me, that I learned to wait. And now I am more energetic, focused and flowing with life more than any other time.

Sing

Human instinct is to cry out to be heard. It started at birth. If we suspect we are not heard (and get what we want) we cry even more. Some cry because they are never satisfied perhaps like the dinosaur where the fiercest ones scream out. But most birds sing as if they couldn't care less about an audience.

Humans learn to scream silently which is psychologically unhealthy. But few learn to sing in life. I believe my voice hasn't completely opened up because I've suppressed it too long.

During my difficult time, I did scream out of the darkness. I've recently moved on to singing and moving with my favorite music. I know I'm heard so I'm free to sing like birds.

I'll soon sing with the freedom and sass of the woman urging us to "Be Grateful". Jennifer Hudson does a great new version too.

Hunting

I want to compare the likely difference in finding food between the most famous dinosaur the T Rex and a common eagle. Both are considered formidable but their approach couldn't be more different.

I think most successful and hard working men and women will identify with the dinosaur who moves about, marks a territory and conquers their prey. Jurassic Park movies do the best job of elevating the status of a T Rex to legend. People tend to try and succeed like this giant beast by running around, keeping busy, working as much as possible because we assume hard work will feed us and give us satisfaction. It is a tiring and strenuous life.

But the eagle just glides and observe. They also hunt but really don't use much energy except to make the kill.  Most of the time they watch and wait for the best opportunity.

By contrast, land animals need much effort just to move around because they do not have a view from above. So being naturally land bound, we follow a habit of chasing opportunity for fear of "missing out".

Yet we do have multiple views of our lives especially with ever present media that allows us to find information, lessons, opinions, discussions, just about any human forms of expression. Eventually all knowledge that existed or being formed will be found in the newly popularized cyber space.  We can view the world from above or any angle we want with the benefit of historical hindsight.

Instead of looking deeper, it seems easier just to take every opportunity and hope we can force success. Perhaps a more proven skilled and efficient way is to learn, wait and dive into the best opportunity. Besides, don't we teach children to stop look and listen?

The way of eagles is common still but the inefficient living by force of the ancient magnificent predator is no more.