Please

In English, this word is used to mean bring pleasure and to beg. It is ironic that even though I am generally ignorant of what people think about me (and don't really care), I still hung on to a certain image I created of me. I seemed to beg the pleasure of people to accept that nonchalant image. So in the end I do care that people buy the person I aimed to make.

It meant more when I wanted to built a fortress or castle normally called a family, a career, a title, or score achievements. They are all good things. But like power, do not really give me value. Pleasure yes but not value.

Just like power does not come from status or wealth, what we commonly strive for in life (often the name of caring for family, friends, colleagues, comrades etc.) cannot make us see how much we are worth in life. Yet we beg for the acceptance of the many. It is called saving face, guarding our reputation, or being popular. Who are these crowds that we want to define us? They are like shifting sand or flowing water that carves its own course.

So if to be pleased we have to beg the acceptance of fleeting standards, it is a dead end road. Even the most popular are hated by some.

8 years since my 18 days in a prison began a chain of unrelated misfortune and dead ends, it is like the water of life has carved out a new me in my stone cold heart of emptiness. It is as if I've been saved.

This feeling is like flying instead of guarding some stupid random image I accumulated over time. There is freedom, joy, hope, love rather than defensiveness, stress, despair and regret. What could be more uplifting?