Compromise

It's something that is hard to do unless there is trust. The unrest in Hong Kong needs that badly. But one thing the mobile interconnected world can't increase is trust. Information, games, ads, media; yes. But faith in each other; no.

The one person (ironically) I've compromised the most though is myself. But unlike the connection with others, I gave way personally because I didn't trust myself.

I seemed to have faith in others more than I did in me. So much that I forgot what it feels like to be face to face with what I eagerly sought. That has changed and I'm excited.

Hypocritical

The common Chinese word for this is "spear vs shield" (矛盾) from a story about a salesman who sold an impenetrable shield as well as an all piercing spear. Another is 虛偽 (Xu Wei). In common use they actually mean contradiction and pretension, which lack the emphasis of a state of being (rather than an occurrence) in the word hypocritical.

Could it be that my own culture makes it a habit to gloss over hypocrisy (and discrimination which are related in my mind) and excuses both if you're powerful and rich enough? Both hypocrisy and discrimination have to do with lack of honesty with one's own self.

Human nature tends to avoid confrontation with fear and past mistakes. Admission of either is often mistaken to be a sign of weakness. But in reality it takes courage and great inner strength to face what I'm scared of and admit a wrong.  Unless you're a dictator.

Limited

I was in a prison/jail for 18 long/short days in China about 8 years ago. It marked a period of profound growth in my middle age life. Much like Europe after the middle ages, I came back to the renaissance that I always wanted.

Most prefer to live in stability. Which often means a routine that is dependable and predictable. Surprises means shock and should be avoided.

The most stable place is prison. The physical confinement is the only difference between the limited life of stability and the incarcerated inmate. Most just focus on the horror of a physical prison and dare not ask me about it. But could it be our self imposed limits are just as bad as incarceration?

After the ordeal I just wanted stability to live out the rest of my life so the horror of prison would disappear never to return. It kind of involved success, companionship, money, fulfillment, excitement... And I thought it was some destination or dramatic movie ending.

Instead I found stability in a journey, surety that failure will not destroy me, excitement in searching and finding, working out hard moments, even bad feelings that threaten to imprison me are there to make me better. It seems the limits we thought would protect also confines.

It takes experience and skill to navigate the truth behind the games we play to protect us. To live in a game that never changes as we grow makes protection into a prison. It took 18 days of peering out a tiny peep window of the steel prison door to show me that physical release was not the destination.

Another way to look at it is what a lot of money means. Money can be opportunity and a burden. It all depends if we are looking for guaranteed profit (which does not exist if there is change in the world), or freedom to venture out into rich lives nested among the imprisoned souls all around us. I seek out unlimited people yearning for renaissance.

It's all about a journey beyond just livelihood.

Fear

You can sing "I'm not afraid of the darkness. Whom shall I fear if God be for me?" a million times and not be convinced. For it is "perfect love" that "casts out fear. If I don't feel loved, there is always dread and fear that a mistake will put me outside of a love circle.

In the last few days, this fear is disappearing from my inner most psyche. Things that would have made me panic, suddenly seem mundane and "I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore."

For I see that even my loneliness is shared. My fear of harming others and the fear of being rejected is a feeling shared in the empty space of the Universe which miraculously (or utmost improbably) created life which is mine at least for a time.

Working out this mystery along with my friends will inspire me until my last day.

Bold

The word bold conjures images of strength, muscle, wealth and privilege. In reality, those who have much can be the most timid because they have much to lose.

Boldness is more about taking risks. Walking new roads prone to failure and disappointment.

"Work hard. Take Chances. Be very bold." This is a line from a movie set in World War 2 then the 2 main characters said good bye. Incidentally, they are both women. And to think of it, it's hard to imagine 2 men saying this to one another as they say goodbye.

In our mostly patriarchal world, timid men call women the "weaker sex" and paint a devilish picture of strong ladies. Yet the outwardly weak tend to be bold in change, in making hard decisions, sticking it out through thick and thin.

I hold onto real boldness in thought, in love, in truth and true beauty. All of these are actually free of charge.

Frozen

The art is beautiful in the Walt Disney hit. Despite the over sung song, there are deeper literary themes in the story.

Elsa's potential is hidden to protect others only to push her away from the people who love her and towards fear and pain. Embracing herself and others released her to freedom and love which actually made life better.

We all have idiosyncrasies that can appear strange. It's tempting to keep everybody "safe" from them so we fit in better. Yet that very thing we seek to hide could be the best in us.

Many cultures do this. It can be as mundane as using the right hand as the standard and forcing kids to change. If that which we hide and seek to change is indeed the potential that pushes us forward and ignites or passion... We become like the frozen world Elsa left behind.

Revealing our true self and living opening boldly embracing the best in ourselves and our loved ones brings summer and growth.

Enjoy

Just like the line dancing ladies enjoying the moment more than what may be problems in life, I'm feeling the relaxed rhythm and bass line in my life likes the music by Ms Jackson. It's been a while.

That's why my blog entries are farther apart. I've been so used to struggling with what I feel. But I now rest in the journey rather than being overcome by the agony of waiting for the destination. (How's that for a convoluted sentence). So this enjoying the ride is pushing me beyond explaining the reality of gliding over conquering, trust over struggle, and love over worry.

Think I'm back to riding on music and lights that reveal the secret to growth. (References to past blogs). I want to take pictures (a dormant passion). Write stories. Sing. Dance. Celebrate. Enjoy.