Grace

To understand this word, the opposite meaning which is "unforgivable" does a better job defining what grace is. The reason defining grace is so hard, is that it is rarer than diamonds. When we face absolute magnanimity, we don't believe it. Our guilt is too deep. I believe the feeling of being unforgivable is the human condition that drives us to do inhuman things.

Grace, being the opposite of unforgivable, is there no matter what we've done. Without going into how society needs to punish unlawful behaviour, grace is how we conquer our personal state of "unforgiveness". To love without condition does not require faith. It is just letting go of our preconditions to love and receive it.

For me, during my recent doldrums of life which wiped away my false securities, revived my sensitivity and ignited new dreams like a child, I learned that grace is about rest and intimacy. What is more amazing than knowing that all your regrets, problems, worries, are all... forgivable?

Come unto me, all ye that labor
And I will give you rest
Take my yoke upon you and learn of me
For I am meek and lowly in heart
And ye shall find rest unto your souls
Rest unto your souls, rest unto your souls
It's easy, for my burden is light
Come unto me, all ye that labor
And I will give you rest
Take my yoke upon you and learn of me
For I am meek and lowly in heart
And ye shall find rest unto your souls
Rest unto your souls, rest unto your souls
It's easy, for my burden is light
It's easy, for my burden is light, is light

Rebuilt

To be rebuilt is what we need more often than we know. For all the techniques to change our appearance, from surgery to lifestyle, to renew our way of living is difficult. It all sounds like so much effort just to change the shell of a body we inhabit. To become someone better without understanding who we are completely in the first place feels like an impossibility.

Nature shows us how life works even if we can't see ourselves clearly. The way Winter comes and freezes a lot of plant life to near death and Spring arrives to revive them, is how change should work. You start from scratch. Dying may or may not be painful, but it is fearful. It takes faith to see the future means a revival. This pattern of death and rebirth can be confused with a cycle of senselessness. It is true if each rebirth brings us back to the beginning without change.

What happens after death (if anything) is still a mystery. Just like the pattern of starting from scratch to begin anew happens as Season change, the revival is not guaranteed.

I experienced involuntary dying of sorts during the past few years. It happened to coincide with the birth of my niece 6 years ago. I was rebooted, rebuilt, revived in health, work, self-image, love, hope, value, vision, faith, creativity, morality, world-view and probably in ways I don't yet realize.

The song is dancing to change, forgiveness and starting over. The picture is a natural quarry in Australia whose shape is mesmerizing. From this angle, between the mirrors of the sky and water, it looks like a ruin of a medieval castle. A castle, a view, beauty that just needs to be captured.

Change is hard not because it requires a lot of effort. It's just hard to let go of who we thought we were, to be revived into someone new. For what we cannot see frightens us, even if it is a better self waiting for us in the Spring.

Évidemment

My mind, eyes and ears have never been so clear. Évidemment (clearly, evidently, of course) is perhaps best translated by the phrase used in the US Constitution: Self-evident. 

While life is bitter-sweet, angry, silent, senseless at times, few refuse to face these feelings but resort to avoiding them at all costs by schedules, crowds, the thrill of attention.... even though the human condition is as much dark as it is joyful. 

I've always avoided disappointment by seeking change in my life. I learn, I love, I hope, despite the mistakes in myself or others, confident that we can create processes of change. When I gave up on that, I got sick. It's easier to create change when not much has happened, when my realm of experience is limited. As I've been there or done that more and more, the constant resistance towards improvement that is everywhere can bog down even the greatest optimists.

So I enjoy art that allows me to face the bitterness of holding on to dark things, while seeing that in spite of it all, "I can still dance to music, love, laugh at the senselessness, like a child." The song sings it clearly in the chorus.

The second verse seems relevant to today despite being 27 years old. "I couldn't care less about the tiresome, distasteful battles. What does it matter to run everywhere, holding on to our wounds that are like a splutter of mud. 

It changes nothing yet changes everything (by our inaction)." 

Évidemment

Y'a comme un goût amer en nous
Comme un goût de poussière dans tout
Et la colère qui nous suit partout
Y'a des silences qui disent beaucoup
Plus que tous les mots qu'on avoue
Et toutes ces questions qui ne tiennent pas debout

Évidemment
Évidemment
On danse encore
Sur les accords
Qu'on aimait tant
Évidemment
Évidemment
On rit encore
Pour les bêtises
Comme des enfants
Mais pas comme avant

Et ces batailles dont on se fout
C'est comme une fatigue, un dégoût
À quoi ça sert de courir partout
On garde cette blessure en nous
Comme une éclaboussure de boue
Qui n'change rien, qui change tout

Évidemment
Évidemment
On rit encore
Pour les bêtises
Comme des enfants
Mais pas comme avant
Pas comme avant

English translation

Clearly

There's like a bitter taste among us
Like a taste of dust in everything
And the anger following us everywhere
There are silences that say a lot
More than all the words we admit
And all these questions that don't make sense

Clearly
Clearly
WE still dance
On the tunes
We loved so much
Clearly
Clearly

We still laugh
At the foolishness
Just like kids
But not like before

And the battles we don't care about
It's like a tiredness, a disgust
What sens does it make to be running around
We keep this wound in us
Like a splutter of mud
That doesn't change anything, changes everything

Clearly,
Clearly
We still laugh
At the foolishness
Just like kids
But not like before

Trouble

This song is my anthem today perhaps everyday. Everyone is trying to keep out of trouble except those who don't fear failure because failure hurts.

When I was younger, I had the impression that difficult times could be avoided if I followed the advice and wisdom of more experienced men and women. Today they are called mentors. And if something went wrong, I must have veered from tried and proven paths.

This is fine for many things in life to do with learning and safety but not progress. For by definition, progress means change or doing something new. What has not been done before is naturally misunderstood because it will be judged by the past. And by definition anything new has no past or track record. So no one will seem interested let alone support it.

The creative person will feel trouble everyday because few see what they see and fewer want to go with them. Trouble.

Passion though, cannot be ignored. It burns inside and cannot be put out. So I need songs like this to lift me spirit for a while.

"Trouble ain't gon' be here everyday
Even though sometimes it seems like it won't go away
After you've done all that you know how
Just to keep from breaking down
Just believe it's gonna get much better
After awhile"

Testify

I just took a mental age test which said I was born in 1990 (haha guess I'm still growing up at 52). This song was released a year after my mental age which I just rediscovered. Testify.

To proclaim a truth is rare today. Testifying has been replaced by criticism, rejection, argument, questions, wishes, slogans... anything but just proclaiming. Maybe social media encourages us to chase viewers, followers and fans by trying to attract rather than proclaim our true passion. While money and popularity are not evil in themselves, they can distract and invade our lives so that we loose the person we yearn to become.

To testify, is to just say something without apology. You can explain if someone interested has a question. Even that is rare today because few people think about context, content and implications anymore. Most arguments are just different ways to contradict one another.

In a recent New York Times bestseller Zero to One, Peter Thiel likes to ask start-up applicants "What important truth do very few people agree with you on?" (no wonder the standard of English is so low if such an intelligent man has to put questions in such an awkward way). I would just ask, "What truth will you dare to testify?" because conviction and passion are what drives a creative person.

I never realized it but I spent much of my life trying to learn how to convince my friends of myself and my view. After nearly 53 years, I conclude they are either not interested at all about me (and probably their own passion) while the people who care just want me to say who I am. Testify. No apologies.

No wonder my state of mind is 25. I just began to be myself.