Restless

Something has changed. It's more than improved health. After trying what feels like every path to employment, start-up, career change, NGO, charity, retirement even, the only opening was to invent a new road. I registered a patent with the help of a great lawyer friend and finally began to meet the right people to move forward.

I've always been restless finding something to spark my interest. From hobbies, to clubs, fellowships, jobs, sports, electronics, reading, music, games, cars, photography.... I dive right in and sometimes won't stop until some would call me an expert at it. Most people are satisfied doing a few things well. I always become restless and move on.

A management consultant who schemed to sit next to me on a 12 hour flight just to get my business, thought she had me figured out as someone who couldn't stick with anything. I kind of agreed with her but now know I just did not like maintaining a production line. I yearned to work with people under a more dynamic, organic and competitive way.

That's why I loved programming without a computer science degree. For me the reprogramming is a way of life. So the thought of making some perpetual profit machine is both boring and counter intuitive to me once the possibility of reprogramming any machine became possible.

I played the manufacturing, industrial paradigm game all my life. The suits, meetings, dinners, money, travel, consumerism... I embraced them all. But China, with its race to regain lost time, opportunities, wealth, status with a very industrial focus became the model of the end game of the age. All the short comings and outdated inefficiencies as well as the huge cash piles are manifest as China moved through the many stages of industrial development and decline at lightening speed. Hardware-centered. Software-negligent.

After the research, learning and reprogramming of myself over what appeared to be a drought, I feel a new restlessness. Now I see what I want, I'm finally eager to start. It just seemed to take so long.

This young man does an innovative "Go the distance" from the cartoon Hercules (one of my favorites). This song is really hard to sing because it demands a very specific emotional energy. Acapella singing balances the human emotion with smart musical arrangement to reach it goal.

The perseverance and persistence the song highlights rings true to my personal journey. Finally, I am seeing how the bad times have been training me to deal with my personal demons, fears and hangups. Like a baptism by water and fire, many of these deep psychological obstacles were washed away.

A new sense of peace, purpose and security has arrived without the support of an institutional company, family, church or government. No, I'm not retreating from civilisation but my rest comes from what I new see as life and love. Relationships are the focus. I was distracted by the many things that we "do" or "should do" that I lost my balance when nothing seemed to be going right.

It's hard to tell the whole story because it is like a Russian epic novel: really long, detailed and hard to summarize. This is because you have to be interested in how I felt, how I overcame and how a new light seems to shine. And it just took so so long.

But my restlessness from curiosity, from a yearning to create, to befriend, to discover is back. The cat's out of bag.