Destiny

I don't believe in destiny if it is a fixed final outcome in life. The only sure things are that we were born and that we will die. What happens in between should be free for us to pursue, amend and create.

So much of life seems to follow patterns we are kind of trapped by our current habits. The worst habits are addictions to harmful things like drugs or gambling. It's easy to over due even good things and have them take over our lives. There seems to be so many prejudices, assumptions and obligations that crowd us, most of us resign to some pattern we find hard to break.

Because everyone else is living a certain way, we will follow. Out of fun, necessity, pressure... I thought I had to actively resist. But a better way is to know what I want.

It sounds preposterous to believe you can actually get what you want. I was taught to compromise, make do, pay my dues, seek out opportunities and climb up some ladder of leadership. All these are good skills to make a living.

This pic is from the game "Destiny" and I feel like the being in a rising vehicle above the planet

But actual living is about HOW I treat people including myself. We all need to create something. The most natural and popular is children. I love children even though I have none. This is because I am pushed by something else that might change HOW we live and love.

Finally, through all the doubts and fears and personal obstacles that have filtered through my years of relative solitude, silence and outward emptiness, I am filled and motivated by purposeful resilience.

Destiny is the deep passion that I had through out my life. I now see there is a kind of pattern that has to do with me and the way I lived, the people in my life and the vision that pulls me. It took me this long to isolate it and follow it through. The outcome is unknown except that I'll enjoy the discovery in people, in expression until the end.

This song rang in my head during my 18 day sojourn in a Chinese backwater prison 9 years ago. I never really paid attention to it before that. It was my way to overcome the marching music that played everyday. The lyrics about strange unexpected things like "Sun goes round Moon", "the snow comes down in June"... rang true for me: Something that confused and oppressed me is for my good.