Deceived

Jonathan Butler kills it with this live performance of "Lies". I especially like the saxophone lady whose playing seemed to be tell off the liar in the song. Then there is CeeLo Green's Forget you (the "clean" version of the song). One celebrates and the other more to the point.

The lying I'm talking about is about me. I thought some were my friend whom I still remember fondly, rejected or ignored me for good reason (perhaps but that) was never revealed to me. It hurt that I still miss them. My lie is that I still think of them as my friend although the silence says otherwise.

Then there are my eccentricities, my abnormalities and mistakes that add up make me believe the lie. I thought it was pointlessness to dwell on times past but they the scars came back to haunt me after my recent trauma and misfortune. The doldrums forced me to see I was wrong to accept the judgment of normalcy. It's hard when everyone around you seems similar and I'm the odd one out when it feels like I failed.

Failure is the worst lie. I only fail at the standards I to which I subscribe. Cancel the subscription, and I'm good to move one.

Like the songs above, expressing what is pent up inside, helps me to let go of the judgement and see what is really important. Life goes on.