Explorer

It begins and ends with being grateful for my life and the Universe where I feel safe to be me. 

"The first 50 years of childhood are the hardest". It took me that long to really see who I am: an explorer. Not just in traveling but also an explorer of knowledge, human nature, beauty, truth, creativity, solutions, music, art, celebration, food, addiction, society, evil...

Most prefer the "security" of what they "know" . When I gave up exploring by settling down to stability, coincidentally or consequentially (I don't know), I became sick. And it has taken me many years to recover and become stronger. In what seemed like the doldrums, I ended up exploring who I am and my place in the Universe. It took a few years because there was so much ground to cover,

I thought I was just an IT guy because all of my career was about software. But software means more than what we do with computers. We program our lives by our relationships, our habits, choices, laws, culture, language, education, religion (or not)... In the course of what felt like loneliness, silence and storms, I registered a patent, took control of my health and embraced the people who love me. I mourned those who reject me, bid adieu to some bad habits and saw I could reprogram my own life. The ability and option to rewrite the rules is the gift of being human.

I need to feel at home and a routine too. But it is to live in a few countries, speak the languages, be in contact with interesting caring people, share my life with those who care to live and move forward exploring how to enjoy and improve our lives. I want re-programming life to be my routine and my home.

The explorer is not motivated by the destination but the quest. Those who do not look for anything won't find anything. They fear the destination because it is unknown. But the unknown motivates me and the journey gives me security. I am baited by the awareness of the limits of knowledge while (what feels like) everyone else are happy with a theory and call it the truth. In so doing, they are excused from seeking a better answer.

Like the clipper ship that enabled the exploration of the earth a few hundred years ago, journeys take time. Because the destination is unknown, the trip is no first class seat with constant entertainment but a mixture of fear and excitement, loneliness and boredom. No wonder so few people want to come with me. Most are happy to support me when I have arrived or succeeded... by that time though, I'm already off on my next journey. If I focus on this dichotomy, I will become sad or angry. 

For me, security comes from a strange assurance that I'll be alright in the end because I'm already grateful for life itself. Sounds simple and foolish especially when you are afraid. 

If you are afraid of the future, or the unknown, you will never arrive at tomorrow or truth. And it all begins with being grateful and secure in life itself.