Beginning

"Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..." This line in this song haunted me during my traumatic short prison experience in China. During the anguish of waiting for release, this song somehow rang inside my head even though I didn't own it nor remember paying any attention to it. It was the message that something good awaits me that kept me positive. 

During my often desperate search for that "something" to release me from the self-imprisonment, that first line haunted me. The something will be new and unseen but it's origins lie in how I saw my past. There was guilt, nonacceptance, obstacles that had to do with me. Despite my general optimism, these historic dark places still stood in my line of sight.

One by one, through silence, training, crying and caring responses, I saw how even the nightmares were part of a blessing. Like rain in the songs of my previous blog post, the horror of the past morphed into a beautiful tapestry. It involved going back to my beginnings but with new insights, that is making a new me.

"Get right back where we started from". I grew up in the 70's yet disliked much of the clothes, music and popular culture back then. But there were gems. Like this song, the imperfect beginning can take on new colors, meaning and life.